ITS BEEN THE BEST OF TIMES AND THE WORST OF TIMES !





Urban Outfitters Downtown La Grand opening

What a year....
more to come!

Im packing my first retail order for Urban Outfitters Grand opening !
I about threw in the towel this year...
its been incredibly hard...
an epic journey.
I can hardly believe how things have turned out.
I still may end up living in one of my kilns thank to my selfish ex husband and our twisted judicial system...
thats another story and who knows what another day in court bring , but I have to get back to my bubble wrap and my own reality for now !

The right stuff?
Or is this the flash back I never had ?



Everything that has to do with my life beyond mud
is just completely surreal
and has been for as far back
as I can remember
thanks to my wonderful ex .
This has been an epic adventure
to say the least.
I hate it that my life
is completely in the control
of people I dont know
and dont really care about me.
The law is arbitrary
and our legal system
is nothing like I thought it was.
My advice to anyone
who hasn't been involved with it
is avoid it at all costs if you can!
Its not about fairness
and whats right,
its about conflict resolution.
Who pays for the best lawyer
is probably the one who will win.
Or maybe who lies best....
I don't lie.


So a rather long winded way to say
I spaced out and didnt remember to buy gas
on my way home from court....
not that I had money to ...
because.....
he lied but.....
it dosent matter I have no gas in my tank
and the gas station is two miles away....

So Ive done a lot of talking myself up the last few days...
years
its been hard to work.
Very hard to focus.

I dont know if I can pull this off....

Yes we all have to have this conversation with ourselves
when we chose this lifestyle
at one point or another.

So I keep wondering
do I have the right stuff?

Lets start with getting through the day.

Ok gotta get into town....
no gas in the gas can...
My 69 Camaro has a full tank
but crappy tires
havent drivin it in years
for this reason.

Wow ,
I could siphon off enough to get into town....
with my handful of quarters.....
yea...

So I sucked some gas ....
GAG
came in and watched a You tube video
I dont know what Id do without You Tube!
Found a method using a second hose
to force air into the tank
to get the siphon action to start .

So Im out there with this set up
puffing away at the ass end
of my classic car
Ive had this car  since I was in my early 20"s
sort or reminiscing 
We have grown old and rusty together,
my car and I .
I LOVE  my car.
LOVE IT..
Always thought it was a chick car.
I  guess I was wrong,
just figured that out a couple years ago.
Ive figured a lot of things out wrong.
Really thought it was up there with VW's
Yep a chick car.
I was so wrong its not even funny.
Muscle car....
Duuh....

I can see my reflection in the Chrome bumper
as I m puffing w away ,
huffing all kinds of fumes ...
Burble burble.. ....

geee this is sorta like that scene in the Right Stuff
when the wanna be astronauts 
were doing that breathing test
and John Glen kicked every ones asses..
burble ....burble
that was before this car was made...
burble .....burble
I was pretty young back then.....
burble burble...

gee I remember some of the guys
I hung out with when I was a teenager
 thas is how they got they got thier gas
 they went around and siphoned...
pretty low thing to do..
teenagers are horrible creatures....
.burble burble..

all the twists and turns its taken to get to where I am
here in my 50s
trying to suck gas out of my old car
my spoiled teenage daughter
wouldn't go to the gas station for me
it would use HER gas her dad bought her...
burble burble.....
horrid things teenagers....

wow what was I doing when I was her age?
oh yea
why was it I never got to have flash backs?.
what a rip...
they said Id have flash backs form that stuff....
always thought that would be a bonus...
.burble..burble...

wait.
Im sucking gas out of a 69 Camaro.
Im covered in clay....
just like  when I was a all new and shiny.
burble burble....
all I care about is getting to the gas station with my hand full quarters.
Im  in an old tee shirt and torn sweat pants
its 11 in the morning and I havnt brushed my hair.
I dont give a shit....
Im either having a flashback
or I forgot to grow up....

trapped in a time warp ?...

in reality just poor
a potter.

either way ..
Im still in the game.
Im hoping I have the Right Stuff...
Ill just keep at it and find out.